What Is And What Should Never Be

If you know something about the enneagram then you might understand what I'm getting at when I say: I'm an 8 with such a strong 9 wing that I sometimes wonder if I'm actually a 9 wing 8. But this year has shown me how present my 7 wing has always been.  My experience of the pandemic has thankfully not been one of financial hardship or major health concerns but simply of cancelling every plan and staying home 24/7. Initially, I thought my 9 wing--the side of me that values peace, comfort, coziness, and rest--would be thrive and carry me through. In fact my "word" for 2019 was "space" as in margin as in I'd filled my days up so full that there was no room left for life and I was desperate for some breathing room. I didn't find it in 2019, but it came in spades this year--no after school club, no commute, no church events, no meetings, no trips, no where to be.  On some occasions I've made use of unhurried mornings by rising early with the sun t

Today we've lived in Edinburgh for exactly years. If the first year was about adventure/adjustment, and the second was actively settling in, then year three was actually being settled.  For me this was the year I stopped being homesick for DC. Not that I don't still love it there, but I rarely think about or compare the two anymore. The streets here are starting to have so many memories of their own. Each one reminds me of moments from different seasons I've had here and the different people I've been here. Craig says for him its the year he realized he wanted to stay. Not that we know if we can find a way to stay, but still. Its been a significant academic year for him too, and this next year will be more so.  Unfortunately we were not in the most celebratory mood this morning. I don't know about you, but five months of relative isolation is where I hit a wall. I'm very much wired for the aloneness, but the lack of activity, adventure, and direction is wearing

My grandad died surrounded by his four siblings singing him hymns, his wife of 66 years and his daughters holding his hands. I could not imagine a more peaceful or dignified way for my Grandy to go. Everyone should be so lucky to die this way. We were able to keep him comfortable but the pain falls to those of us left to go on without him. My Grandy was a sharp dresser. He was a handsome guy. He smoked a pipe and the smell suited him like a nice cologne. He kept everything so neat. As a kid I would marvel at the things in the office room of his home. It seemed to be filled with treasures, well polished, and I wouldn’t dare touch anything. He kept his garage floor so clean you could’ve eaten off it. He kept pictures and mementos in there like it was just another room of the house that also stored cars. It was so weird and nice. Despite its pristine nature, nana and Grandy’s home has always felt so comfy to me.   My Grandy always tried to convince me to play more golf. His argument was t

I can feel fall time coming.  I know its coming because its dark outside when I go to bed now and that's new.  8pm feels more like 8pm and less like 2:00.  The landscape has gone from yellow to purple; now some ivy is turning red.  The calendar says August and that must mean September is next.  I know fall time is coming because I have an urge to get new blankets and candles with a warm cosy vibe,  sit down with my planner, fresh purpose, and readiness for routine but... fall time is throwing me this year.  Even though schools are reopened today, church is still happening remotely for the foreseeable future. I'm trying to figure out what children and family ministry is supposed to look like right now and through Christmas and truly I have no good or exciting answers.   I don't really know how to plan anything for the future personally either and I find that disorienting. On one of our more optimistic days we planned out some Saturday fun days for the fall. Just walks or hik

On March 16th I cancelled all my appointments for the rest of the week (because the government wasn't doing it yet so I had to take matters into my own hands) and caught the bus home from Queensferry. Now its 139 days later if I counted right and I haven't been back to Queensferry or even on a bus since then. The furthest I've been is Corstorphine Hill which we walked the five miles to and then back.  Stuff started to get cancelled pretty immediately after I got home that day in March the UK went into lockdown. At first it was like you can go out for groceries once/week and for exercise once/day. Now we're in Phase 3 of easing restrictions which means shops and restaurants and museums can open with safety measures in place. You can sit outside and be out of your house for any amount of time and even meet up to 15 other people from five different households (physically distanced) and travel too. We sort of all know the phases of lockdown we collectively went through--the

In a very uncharacteristic move for me, I could not bring myself to plan a single thing for Christmas in Arkansas. Juggling the logistics, everyone's schedules and expectations, it just seemed like a lot for a person as brain-dead as I was after a full-throttle fall/December. All I really wanted to do was eat mac and cheese on the couch for two weeks. Fortunately, I was able to do plenty of that. As it turns out, a chill, unplanned two week at home suited me much better than I ever imagined. It has been a weird year (the fall especially) for lots of my family so it was really good to be with everyone for some time. The picture below is my new favorite one of all my best people and an accurate account of my Christmas break at SuPa's (SuPa = Susan + Paul. I think they made up this nickname for themselves but anyway I use it a lot now). Unfortunately all the children in our life are super old now so I don't even know what to do with them or what is cool. Except black ni