Golden
I woke up one morning and I was 30 years old, walking down a cold and quiet High Street, in search of bacon rolls (and meds for my virally infected husband).
I have a memory of being a kid on the school playground and learning that your "golden" birthday is the one where you are turning the same age as the day you were born. Since I was born on the 30th of March, my 30th birthday is my golden one. Having calculated this, I realized--30 is the age I want to be. And I've been saying this for at more than two decades now. I've been anticipating this day for a long time. Anyone who knows me knows that me + that kind of expectation is a recipe for a disaster.
About this time last year, I realized that my 30th would fall on Good Friday--not the most appropriate day for celebrating and not the most convenient day for celebrating when you and your partner both work in the church. I considered letting today pass without fanfare and had thought of planning an Alice in Wonderland inspired UN-birthday in the Cotswolds for the week after Easter. Perhaps I should've stuck with this plan, but for a number of reasons decided against it.
Instead I planned for a low-key relaxing birthday and an adventurous and celebratory day after. Then, miraculously, we discovered last week, that both Craig and I would be totally free from obligation on both Friday and Saturday, ready to head out for a hike, take afternoon tea, and fill a full 48 hours with birthday fun. Then Craig got a viral infection and now I'm typing this while watching shows on our TV which is sitting on top of our ironing board at the foot of our bed.
But I'm happy. I'm sitting next to my favourite person who managed to gift me a laptop desk/breakfast-in-bed table just in time to use this morning. I'm eating my favourite foods and watching my favourite shows and doing it from one of the best all time cities. I can't believe we get to live this adventure as our everyday mundane life.
At 30, I feel more secure with myself and more unsure about my future than ever before. I think we've thrown the directions out the window at this point. (Not to mention the erosion of American democracy, the threat of nuclear war, and living in the UK during the impending Brexit.) So yeah. I'm grounded and I'm not, I'm good and I'm not, I'm comfortable and I'm not. I'm 30 and I'm here. I'm at home and I'm happy.
I can't explain why I've always wanted to be this age, but I have, so the best gift is actually how naturally it came. No more striving--just being.
https://open.spotify.com/track/29s5NJd6B6jsoyJpX3yYXt
Also I love spring again, which is nice.
I have a memory of being a kid on the school playground and learning that your "golden" birthday is the one where you are turning the same age as the day you were born. Since I was born on the 30th of March, my 30th birthday is my golden one. Having calculated this, I realized--30 is the age I want to be. And I've been saying this for at more than two decades now. I've been anticipating this day for a long time. Anyone who knows me knows that me + that kind of expectation is a recipe for a disaster.
About this time last year, I realized that my 30th would fall on Good Friday--not the most appropriate day for celebrating and not the most convenient day for celebrating when you and your partner both work in the church. I considered letting today pass without fanfare and had thought of planning an Alice in Wonderland inspired UN-birthday in the Cotswolds for the week after Easter. Perhaps I should've stuck with this plan, but for a number of reasons decided against it.
Instead I planned for a low-key relaxing birthday and an adventurous and celebratory day after. Then, miraculously, we discovered last week, that both Craig and I would be totally free from obligation on both Friday and Saturday, ready to head out for a hike, take afternoon tea, and fill a full 48 hours with birthday fun. Then Craig got a viral infection and now I'm typing this while watching shows on our TV which is sitting on top of our ironing board at the foot of our bed.
But I'm happy. I'm sitting next to my favourite person who managed to gift me a laptop desk/breakfast-in-bed table just in time to use this morning. I'm eating my favourite foods and watching my favourite shows and doing it from one of the best all time cities. I can't believe we get to live this adventure as our everyday mundane life.
At 30, I feel more secure with myself and more unsure about my future than ever before. I think we've thrown the directions out the window at this point. (Not to mention the erosion of American democracy, the threat of nuclear war, and living in the UK during the impending Brexit.) So yeah. I'm grounded and I'm not, I'm good and I'm not, I'm comfortable and I'm not. I'm 30 and I'm here. I'm at home and I'm happy.
I can't explain why I've always wanted to be this age, but I have, so the best gift is actually how naturally it came. No more striving--just being.
https://open.spotify.com/track/29s5NJd6B6jsoyJpX3yYXt
Also I love spring again, which is nice.
a 29 year & 51 week old me enjoying the first day of spring after a long winter
"No more striving - just being." So many people would love to be able to truthfully say that about themselves, but so few can. That is most surely the best golden birthday present one could ask for or imagine.
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