resolutions

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"Choosing good things in 2013" was my motto that year, accompanied by 13 specific goals under that banner. I don't remember now what the exact goals were or how many I accomplished but they reflected both a habit and a value shift that had been developing for a little while. From this year on, all of my goals were various iterations of the same thing--continuing on with the habits that I'd picked up easily and improving on those which had been more difficult. Eventually I stopped making New Years goals, having more or less accomplished everything that must have been on that initial list, happy with the way I was living my life.

My motto, if I were to call it that, for 2021 could be: one day at a time, one thing at a time. Looking any further ahead than that feels both pointless and disappointing. I'm finding it impossible to make plans and the reality of that depresses and frustrates me. So this year I want to learn to let the little things count--literally. I have goals for the number of: books to read, runs to log, $ and £ to save, months to eat 100% veggie, to spend $0 misc, and a number of actions to take relating to environmental, economic, and racial justice. It's all stuff I have been and would be doing anyway, but I hope that by tracking it, I'll be able to convince myself that I'm doing things even if it feels like I'm not, that I'm living a life I'm happy with and proud of (even if its filled with less adventuring than I'd like.)

The truth is that next year will come with enough adventures--the kind as stressful as they are exciting. Craig will finish is PhD by/before summer 2022 and our visa expires that December. We'll have to spend that year figuring out what the heck is next and working out all the logistics and expenses of whatever it is. 

I do feel a lot of pressure to do a lot of things before that time comes but probably the best way to go about it is to start learning this year how to lean into the present moment and 'count' all the mundane things that really make up a life--one day at a time, one thing at a time. 


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